


After the End

by marzaally



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Corangst, Depression, Gen, Healing, Langst, Loss/Grief, Not beta, Post Season 8, be nice, first fanfic, i don't know what to tag, kangst, there will be spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 07:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marzaally/pseuds/marzaally
Summary: Time passed since the Paladins of Voltron experienced a devastating sacrifice. The marks that are left by the war and those they lost will remain forever, for one paladin in particular. What are the ways we heal?Now with illustrations (when I feel up to drawing them)





	1. The First Year: Part 1

The day after, when the dust had settled more, and they were safely back on the Atlas, his chest hollowed out. He didn't come out of his room for three days. Hunk brought him food, Keith sat with him, and Pidge offered him her comfort as much as she could. He barely ate. Didn't really react to their care.

He couldn’t let his tears fall. If he started, he feared he would never stop. At some point a beautiful potted flower and stuffed blue lion made their way to his nightstand. 

He'd never known love this strong before. It had filled him up, made him feel lighter than air, every time she smiled. The joy in her eyes, the softness of her lips, were relegated to being nothing but memories. 

He stared for what felt like hours at the little blue stuffed lion. He remembered her face the night he gave it to her. Lance reached out and gently took the little plush into his hand. His thumb brushed over the nose. 

_"I will always love you."_

Time was too fast and too slow all at once. Her last words, her goodbye, played over and over in his head. It was so unfair. Why couldn't they have their happy ending? After everything they did, all the sacrifice, the death, and then the bit of joy they managed to find gets taken away. How was that fair? 

Lance didn't notice Hunk run into the room until he felt two strong, assuring arms lift him to a broad chest. Nothing was said. Hunk just held him as he emptied as much of the hollowed out feeling as he could. 

Eventually a calloused hand found its way to Lance's shoulder. Much smaller fingers intertwined with his. Shiro's pained eyes met his. Still he couldn't stop. He tried, in broken sobs, to explain. He wasn't enough. Had he just been more maybe they could've prevented it. Maybe she'd still be here. 

He couldn’t tell how long they had been like that. His breaths had calmed until Coran came into his room. She was like a daughter to the wise, older man. Lance couldn’t meet his eyes. He was choked on the fear of what he would find there. Would those kind, knowing eyes look at him with judgement? Would he say what had been going through Lance's mind since they boarded? 

 _It's all my fault._  

Coran tentatively reached out a gloved hand and gently brushed the new marks that sat high on Lance's cheeks. His voice caught and any words the adviser had died. Coran had lost so much. Losing Allura had torn a hole through him, too. It was his duty to protect her. 

 _It's all my fault._  

Instead of words he scooped Lance into his arms. The two of them released their pain to each other. 

Lance's eyes burned and throbbed. His throat was raw. They were all exhausted. It wasn't until the late morning when Shiro woke up. His back was pressed to the edge of Lance's bed, while the rest of him was uncomfortably stiff on the floor. Propped up against his leg in a sitting position was the living embodiment of warm hugs and kindness, and how the heck did Pidge wind up half on Hunk and half on the bed? 

He turned his gaze toward the ceiling, catching just the barest glimpse of Keith's back over the edge. When  _did_  they all fall asleep? Gently, so as not to wake anyone, he got up. It was weird feeling 80 while still being in his mid-20's. A quick stretch over his head and a glance at the clock told him it was well past time to be up and about. 

Sandwiched between Coran and Keith was Lance. Shiro saw how hard he tried to keep it together, but with his mask off in sleep it was obvious just how broken the young man had become. Shiro knew that look well. 

A miscalculated turn sent Pidge to the floor in a heap. Her foot came down quickly on Hunks face. The resulting groan was enough to wake everyone but Lance. He stirred a little, but a quick tightening of Coran's embrace sent him back into his deep slumber. 

"Coran, are you okay to stay with Lance for a little while?" The ginger solemnly nodded. Shiro motioned the others out of the room. 

They all walked down the hall to the officer's quarters. Being the captain of the Atlas had its perks. Shiro's room was large enough to comfortably house the remaining team. 

"Okay. Sam is working on stabilizing the Teludav system, so we can travel faster, but it's still going to be a few months until we make it back to Earth. We need to continue building relations with other planets, but more importantly we need to take some time for ourselves…I'm worried about Lance." 

"We need to help him," Keith said. He'd come a long way in his interpersonal relationships, but there's always room for improvement. 

"This afternoon I'm planning on making a broadcast in remembrance of Allura. If you'd like to say anything, you're more than welcome." 

"I'd like to," Pidge said. Hunk and Keith nodded in agreement. Allura's death affected them all. 

"Do you think Lance would want to say something?" Hunk asked. 

"I'm sure he would, but we can't assume. We'll ask him later after he's rested." 

The small group continued to make plans for Allura's memorial and how to help Lance with his grief. They quickly realized they were out of their depth. Fight bad guys? They've got that. Hack a computer? Check. Fix a broken heart? Where do you begin? Everyone grieves differently, so how do you tell if you’re making things worse?

 

\---

 

Evening came. Coran had managed to tell Lance about the memorial broadcast and convinced him to come to dinner. They dressed in their formal uniforms, Lance remembering to add something pink.  _"We wear this color to honor our fallen,"_  she had once told him. 

Shiro stood and clinked the edge of his glass. Across the universe, as far as the broadcast would reach, screens lit up with the face of former Black Paladin. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed members of the coalition, tonight we gather in honor of Princess Allura of Altea. Recently, to protect all of existence, she courageously gave her life. I would like to spend this evening in remembrance of the brave and amazing woman she was. 

"When I first met Allura I had recently been rescued from the most harrowing experience of my already difficult life. I had…rough patches, but she never treated me like a burden. She was determined, patient, kind and one of the best people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.  

"Through her determination she managed to take five inexperienced people and mold them into the brave Paladins of Voltron you've come to recognize. We truly would not have been able to do any of what we have without her. I'd like to invite those closest to her to say a few words. Keith?" 

Keith stood up. He gently cleared his throat. 

"For the longest time I thought I was alone. I lost my father, didn't know my mother, and had difficulty connecting with others. Then I met Shiro. He managed to start something in me, something big. For the first time in a while I felt like someone might actually care. Then Shiro went missing and I started to self-destruct. I dropped out of a prestigious school. I secluded myself away. 

"Then we went to space and I met Allura. I found out about my heritage and felt more lost than ever. What did it mean to be part Galra? She accepted me for who I am. Without her, and the fine people beside me, I would still be lost." Keith sat down and glanced at Hunk. He scraped his chair back to stand. 

"Ask anyone who I am and they're likely to say a 'chef', an 'engineer', or a 'teddy bear'. Those are all things I'm proud of. But one thing they might also say is that I'm often scared. The universe if full of things, dangerous things, with sharp, pointy teeth and claws that can-" 

"Hunk," Shiro gently prodded. 

"Ahem, right, sorry Shiro. My point is that we all faced those scary things together. Allura lead us through some really tough situations with grace, and tremendous strength. When things got terrifying, really terrifying, she reminded me why we're doing this. So many times, I wanted to give up and go home. Allura helped keep me going, showed me what a leader does when it seems like there's nothing left to do but run. Thank you, Allura." Hunk sat down. Beside him, Pidge stood for her turn. 

"For most of my life the people around me, except for my family, looked at me like I was a freak. A nerd. Someone less than because of my love of science and need to figure everything out. Allura wasn't like that. Even after she found out I was hiding as a boy, she didn't look at me like anything other than who I am. She tried to include me in some of her 'girly' things, but if I didn't feel up to it, I wasn't anything less. She embraced and encouraged my passion. She trusted me, and I trusted her." Next was Romelle. 

"I didn't know Allura as long as some of you, but when we were together, I felt like I had found my lost sister. She connected me to a home I didn't even know I had…and…" her voice broke. "I could never ask for a better friend or s-sister." Romelle quickly returned to her seat. 

Coran and Lance were the last two planned speakers.  If they were going in order, Lance would be the next to speak. His hands shook. Coran gently placed his hand on Lance's shoulder and leaned over. 

"I know it's hard, my boy, but if you don't say something, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You don't owe anyone your life story, but you need to give voice to your hurt." He pat his shoulder twice before he stood. 

"Allura…I have known Allura since the day she was born. I remember looking in her young eyes and seeing so much of the world in them. Here was someone who had their whole life in front of them and I…It was my privilege to watch her grow and become the fine woman she was. I am truly proud of her. 

"In many ways Allura was my daughter. Losing her has been like losing the last connection I had to my home, but through her, and the Paladins of Voltron, I gained a new one. I will be forever grateful." 

Coran sat down. The hall was quiet save for the quiet sniffles of those Allura touched. Across the universe more mourned. All eyes shifted to Lance. His hand shook as he brought it to cover his mouth. Reassuring hands found their way to him. His family was with him. He could do this. 

Shakily he stood. He took a calming breath before looking ahead. 

"If you've ever met me, you'd think I was a shameless flirt. I'm loud, not really all that smart, and for the longest time I didn't think I belonged here. The people next to me are brave, intelligent, brilliant leaders and I'm…just…me. I covered that with jokes and a cocky attitude. I did this because I was too afraid to let people know the real me, see my flaws because if they did and they didn't like it then I might be left alone. 

"Allura…She was incredibly. She was beautiful, and smart, and strong and just…everything. It's no wonder I fell in love with her. She believed in me. I let her see and miraculously she like me. We loved each other. 

"She's everywhere. Every person I see, I see her. Her influence, the lives she touched. Her love…" at this he touched his cheek, "it left a mark. One I'll never be able to forget. I…I-I'll never be the same. None of us will. We'll never…She and I…" Lance paused for a moment. The air was still in his grief. "I'm lost," he whispered. 

"Thank you, Allura, for loving me."

 

Everyone raised their glasses and saluted the wonder that was Princess Allura of Altea.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Voltron...ended today. I stayed up until 3 (when it premiered for me) to watch it. Overall I enjoyed it but there are obviously things I would have done differently, otherwise I would not be writing this. I wanted to find a way to express my hurt and it struck me: though this fandom has had some bad moments, it also has a tremendously positive side. It is within our ability to create. I first got into Voltron because of the beautiful artwork I kept seeing. There is no doubt this show has meant more to some than just a show. People see themselves in these characters. 
> 
> They were inspired. I am starting a webcomic because Voltron inspired me to. I am writing this, and posting my first ever fanfic, because Voltron inspired me to. 
> 
> Regardless of how you felt about season 8 please keep creating. If you loved it, create. If you hated it, create. It's what our fandom does well. 
> 
> And as always, be kind.
> 
> **Edit** Fixed mistakes since now I have access to a better word processor.
> 
>  
> 
> *EDIT AGAIN* Yeah, I forgot to post info! You can find my webcomic at www.allyamador.com, and previews and extra images will go up on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr @salisburyhousecomic. My main Tumblr is @allyamadork, where I post miscellaneous art (including Voltron).


	2. The First Year: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Lance have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When I come to the end of the road  
> And the sun has set for me  
> I want no rites in a gloom filled room  
> Why cry for a soul set free?
> 
> Miss me a little, but not for long  
> And not with your head bowed low  
> Remember the love that once we shared  
> Miss me, but let me go.
> 
> For this is a journey we all must take  
> And each must go alone.  
> It's all part of the master plan  
> A step on the road to home.
> 
> When you are lonely and sick at heart  
> Go to the friends we know.  
> Laugh at all the things we used to do  
> Miss me, but let me go."
> 
> from Let Me Go by Christina Georgina Rossetti

After the initial celebration in Allura’s honor the group separated to take care of what they needed to. For the following months Hunk and Pidge helped the ship’s engineers, Shiro resumed his duties as captain and Keith began contacting the remaining members of the Blade of Marmora.

Lance wandered around the ship, constantly lost in memories. Veronica would sometimes walk with him and listen to his stories of his time in Voltron. They hadn’t gotten a chance to really catch up since returning to Earth.

“You and Pidge went through all that trouble for a video game console?” Veronica asked.

“Yeah. I know it seems silly, but it was important to us. We found it at the Earth store. It was…it was something from home. We needed that. Plus, it got her to cut loose a bit. She has a habit of getting too into her work.” Lance was beginning to smile more. He’d still have long stretches of silent grief, but it seemed to everyone he was improving.

Lance yawned and stretched. The siblings came to a stop in front of Mrs. Holt’s indoor greenhouse. Veronica looked carefully at her baby brother. He was so different than how he’d left. That carefree, adventurous spirit inside him seemed greatly dimmed. Had any of them gotten the chance to really talk to someone?

She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the short beeping of her watch.

“I’ve got to go, Lance but we should catch dinner together.”

“Sure,” Lance replied with an easy smile on his face. Someone who hadn’t grown up with him wouldn’t have known better.

“I mean it, Lance.”

“So do I.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I thought I’d hang out here for a bit and see what Mrs. Holt is up to. I’ll see you later. Don’t want to be late.” Lance pressed the keypad to open the door. Veronica hesitated, but another round of persistent beeping made up her mind.

Evening came, and Lance made an effort to keep his word. Veronica waited for him outside his door. She tried to tell him about the communications they’d been having with other planets. Her words fell on deaf ears.

Lance’s mind was elsewhere. Every hallway they turned down was a walk through a different memory.

In that room he and Allura had their second date. They couldn’t really go anywhere, but he tried to make it special. With Hunk’s help he made a dinner of his favorite foods on Earth. She’d shared so much of her life with him, he wanted to return the favor. Conversation came easy and the date ended in a content embrace.

Down this hallway he’d told her funny stories about when he and his siblings would make pillow forts in the living room. She was a bit confused at first, but quickly caught on. Coran had tried to do something like that with her when she was little, but it was hard since she was an only child.

In his memory he’d see them. The little embraces, kisses, quiet laughter they shared. It was too much. Today wasn’t going to be a good one.

He stopped in the middle of his walk with Veronica.

“Lance?”

He had made her happy. At least he hoped he did. The marks on his cheeks were proof of that, right? Lance sighed. This happened sometimes. Things were better, he felt better, so why did it keep coming back? Why did he still feel like he wasn’t enough? He failed so many times and…

…failed and…failed…

His skin started to prickle with the sharp feeling of electricity. It started at his palms, where the contact had begun, then traveled up his arms, through his body until he thought he felt it again.

He gripped his shirt over his heart. It stopped again. It stopped again, and he was going to die. His breaths came heavy. He felt vomit crawl up his throat. Where was everyone? Could they hear him? They needed to fix the shield. Allura was almost hit! Allura…

 

* * *

 

He woke up in the infirmary. Attached to his hand was Veronica’s, her sleeping head resting on the covers. On his other side Keith sat dozing in a chair. His head was bowed low and resting in a way he’d surly regret once he woke up. Shiro stood in the corner with his arms crossed.

How pathetic. Can’t even walk to dinner without…whatever that was. Lance slowly lifted his arm to cover his face. He felt a clawing sickness creep up his chest, weaken his arms, and made his skin break out in a cold sweat. Shame. No, maybe that wasn’t the right word. It was something bigger.

How many times did they have to save his butt? How many times did he screw something up? If he wasn’t such a screw up things would’ve been different. Maybe she’d still be here. So many people needed her. She was so important, yet she’s gone and he’s still here.

Veronica’s fingers smoothed out the ruffled hair across his forehead. He cried. He cried until his chest emptied, his eyes throbbed and his voice became almost nonexistent.

Keith was at a bit of a loss. He wanted to comfort Lance but what was he supposed to say? He remembered all the regurgitated words he’d heard the day of his father’s funeral. _Everything happens for a reason. He died a hero. Your father was a great man._ It hadn’t helped. It hadn’t taken away that ache and he doubt it’s what Lance needed to hear. So instead he just placed a grounding hand on his shoulder. Even if he couldn’t speak, he was still there.

When Lance calmed down to just sniffles Shiro cleared his throat.

“Can I have a word with Lance? Alone?”

Veronica looked ready to protest but Keith gently lead her out of the room with him. “It’s okay. Shiro’s got him.”

Lance turned away. Great. Now he’s worried everyone. Shiro doesn’t need his problems, he’s got enough of his own.

“Can I sit here?” Shiro motioned to the seat formerly occupied by Veronica. Lance hummed in response.

“Lieutenant Weiss was the one who tested you for admission to the Garrison, wasn’t he?”

“Yes,” Lance answered hesitantly.

“Did you ever have class with him?”

“Yeah. He was my flight teacher for the first two years. Shiro what does this-?”

“Adam Weiss and I were in the same class together when we were students. I couldn’t stand him at first. He was always so serious. I just wanted to impress people and have fun. Anytime I wanted to sneak out and have fun he was there. ‘Takashi, you’re going to get us in trouble’, ‘Takashi, you’ll be kicked out’…We fought so much Commander Iverson threated to expel both of us…” His voice cracked. Shiro cleared his throat.

“He was the only one to call me Takashi. I didn’t tell him for the longest time, but I loved the way it sounded when he said it. Everyone else just called me Shiro, but Adam…to him I was Takashi. Eventually we came to understand each other. Then, by the time we were graduating that understanding turned into something stronger. Something more significant.

“I loved him. We spent so much time together. He was there when I got sick. He sat next to me as the doctor told me that my body was withering and would eventually fail. He promised to take care of me when I couldn’t anymore.

“I couldn’t do that to him. I made up my mind to go into space on the Kerberos mission. I wanted-needed him to understand what this meant to me, but he didn’t see it that way. I left him. He left me. We…we didn’t,” Shiro’s voice became heavy with grief.

“We didn’t get a proper good-bye and now…now he’s gone. I’m cured, and alive but he’s gone, and I’ll never see him again. I was going to ask him to marry me, Lance.” Tears dripped down both their faces.

“It may not be exactly the same, but I know how you feel. There are things I feel guilty about that, logically, I know I shouldn’t, but I do. The ‘what ifs’ randomly stick in my head and it takes so much out of me to function while I’m constantly thinking everything is my fault.”

Lance launched himself at Shiro. They cried in each other’s arms. The war, _life_ , had taken so much from both of them. It wasn’t fair, but they weren’t alone.

“It never goes away. It shouldn’t. The people we love change us in ways, years from now, we’ll still be finding. They never leave, but I know that they would want us to _live_ our lives.”

For the first time, since Allura’s passing, he felt that heavy emptiness ebb, if even just a little.

 

* * *

 

Lance spent the next week or so making frequent visits to the garden. Mrs. Holt had tried to talk to him about the various plants she was growing, but he seemed to only listen when she talked about one particular flower. Most of her terminology was well over his head anyway. She was discovering new things about it every day. The structure was quite unique and could be utilized to make textiles, food and so much more.

The possibilities seemed endless.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When my father passed away a few years ago it wasn't unexpected. He'd been sick for a long time, since long before I was even born. It wasn't all I knew of him though. He'd still make time for his family. He worked hard, and supported us. I have always wanted a profession that was centered around the arts and he never, not a single time, was disparaging. Nor was my mother. 
> 
> He won't ever leave me because he's a big part of who I am, both from genes and from how he nurtured my life. 
> 
> ***  
> Next week (hopefully) I'll post the next part. It is still in the first year after Allura's death, but this time I'm going to split things up a bit and visit the other paladins. Lance will still be there, but you'll get to see what everyone else is up to.


	3. The First Year: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at what the rest of the paladins are doing.

The Atlas was well on its way back to Earth. The crew was buzzing with questions about what was next. Would they stay on Earth or travel? Who was going to lead the Coalition? Was it meant to be a peace-keeping organization or more like a universal government? Ideas were plentiful but so far there were no solid answers.

For Shiro every morning consisted of a routine of exercise, a healthy breakfast, and then meeting after meeting after meeting. His duty as captain was something he took pride in, but it was wearing him out quickly. He’d found himself missing his scheduled dinners with friends more often than not.

He was missing out on so much.

Shiro was concentrating his numerous duties when he came upon the dining hall. The familiar sound of Keith’s voice caught his attention. He peered in and saw him, Krolia, Ezor, Zethrid, Acxa and Kolivan sitting around one of the many tables.

“Things can’t continue as they were. The war culture of the Galra is already changing but they need guidance,” Krolia said to Keith.

“But would they listen to me? I…I mean yeah, I’m part Glara, but that doesn’t mean they’ll see me that way,” he replied.

“I think they would. And it _wouldn’t_ just be you. We’d be there to support you, too,” Acxa added.

Acxa was really coming into her own aboard the Atlas. It had taken a while, but he’d noticed her spending more time with the MFE pilots and Veronica, and not just Ezor and Zethrid. Beneath the traumatic past she had a dry sense of humor that took a little getting used to.

Ezor and Zethrid had been a big surprise to Shiro. From what little he’d known of them their willingness to help was…shocking to say the least. Ezor’s chaotic energy seemed much calmer now, with Zethrid’s temperament matching.

“At least come with us to Kral Zera. Even if they decide to crown a new emperor it would be best to make our connections right away. We need to know if they’re headed in the same direction,” Kolivan said.

“I don’t know. I need to think about where I’m headed now.”

“That’s all we can ask of you, son.”

Shiro was beginning to feel like an intruder. Keith had been close to him for such a long time, but he had his own life to live now. One that might now always align with his. Did his time as Captain really make so much of a difference?

As he turned to walk away, he spotted a young bridge technician coming toward him. The man’s shoulders were squared, and his steps determined. This was a man on a mission. A mission that seemed to become more difficult with each passing moment.

“Curtis.” Shiro cut him a break. The warm smile he greeted the man with only seemed to mildly assuage his nervousness.

“C-Captain Shirogane.”

“Please, just call me Shiro.”

“Yes sir. I mean, yes…Shiro?” Curtis’ cheeks dusted a slight crimson. He was cute like this. Okay, it’d been a while so sue him.

“What is it, Curtis?”

“I’ve noticed you’ve been really busy with Coalition things lately. I-I was wondering if you’d like some help? Maybe I can go over some things with you?”

“There’s probably a lot that’s over your clearance level, but it would be nice to have an extra set of hands…Alright. How about we meet tomorrow for a working lunch? On the bridge?”

“You bet! I’ll bring something for us to eat.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Yes, bye.” Curtis quickly turned around and walked away with his head held high.

* * *

Curtis quickly made his way to the kitchen area, praying Hunk was there. It wasn’t technically a date, but it was time alone with Shiro. He just had to figure out what the man might enjoy eating.

The large door swished open. Hunk stood at one of the islands chopping something that looked like walnuts but in a distinctly mauve color. Pidge sat on a counter behind him with her laptop balance on her lap. A green tinted cookie sat forgotten between her lips.

“Hunk dis ish amazing! E could do uch ore ith… Ello?” She looked up at their new guest.

“Um, hi. I was hoping I’d could talk to Hunk about something…private.” Pidge bit down on her cookie and gathered her things.

“Sure, I need to talk to my dad anyway. I think I may have figured out more about how the Teludav works! See you later, Hunk,” she said as she left the room.

“So...?”

“Curtis.”

“Curtis. What can I do for you?”

“Well tomorrow I was going to bring some lunch to the bridge for Shiro and help him with some Coalition stuff.”

“Oh?” Hunk asked with a gleam in his eyes.

“I just need some ideas of what to make him.”

“Sure! I can help you with that!” Hunk spent the next hour giving Curtis advice for his “working lunch” with Shiro.

* * *

Pidge excitedly ran through the halls. She needed to find Slav and her dad right away. The engineering wing was oddly quiet. The playful yet frustrating banter between Sam and Slav could usually be heard by now. Pidge found her dad leaning back in a chair with his eyes closed. A serene look was on his face.

“You hear that, Katie?”

“No...?”

“Exactly. Slav is taking a nap.” As excited as Pidge was to tell her dad the big news, she understood how stressful it could be to work with Slav. The genius was incredible, but man could he wear you down. Instead she pulled up a chair next to her father and joined him in his peaceful silence.

* * *

The next morning Curtis spent much of the early hours in the kitchen. Hunk said Shiro had simple tastes with a secret sweet tooth. He settled on tonkatsu with rice and salad, and black and white cookie cupcakes for dessert. After things were packed, he quickly made his way to the bridge.

When Curtis entered the bridge, he found Communications officer McClain, Chief Engineer Holt, Keith and Captain Shirogane standing near the captain’s post. After a brief greeting everyone separated to their individual stations. Keith stayed near Shiro.  

The only thing scheduled until break was a conference call between the various delegates of the Coalition. Veronica was trying her best to connect everyone over such a vast distance, but there were lulls in a few of the members. It was making it difficult to converse properly when there was a five second delay to account for. Or were they ticks? Dobashes? Curtis was still trying to get used to using a universal time measure instead of a standard Earth or military version.

During the meeting Curtis would glance back at Shiro periodically. His shoulders were tense, and he could tell Shiro’s patience was being severely tested. The remaining Olkari were having a hard time finding a place with the right resources to sustain them. They’re adaptable, but they still needed time. They were requesting help from the Coalition, but it was proving difficult to find someone close enough and with the resources to spare.

Things had gotten a little heated when Keith interjected about needing to help. He didn’t outright say it, but heavily implied that people were being selfish. The meeting ended with no clear resolution in sight. They’d convene again later in the evening with hopefully cooler heads prevailing. It was going to be another long day.

It was a reoccurring theme. Allura may have rebuilt the universe, but there were still scars from the war everywhere. Entire civilizations were devastated. They needed help rebuilding and surviving. It seemed every planet was struggling in some way.

At 1230 hours the main bridge emptied for lunch. Keith looked like he wanted to stay, but Hunk came with Lance and insisted he join them and Pidge for lunch. Shiro stepped down from his command post and headed toward Curtis’ station. He pulled out the neighboring chair and sat down next to him.

“I know we said this would be a working lunch, but I could really use a break right now. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Sure,” Curtis replied as he pulled out the lunch containers. The lunchboxes did a great job of keeping the food warm. When Shiro opened the lid and found the delicious looking pork cutlet and rice with steam still coming from them he was overjoyed. The last few years had him see meals like this only a handful of times. He would never miss food goo.

“You know, Curtis, I realize I don’t know a lot about you. Tell me about yourself,” Shiro said. Curtis happily told Shiro about his parents and siblings. He’s the second oldest of 4. He lost his youngest sister during the invasion, but his family was recovering.

“Yeah, my parents weren’t too thrilled when I told them I’d be going into space on the Atlas. They’re pacifists and wanted me as far from violence as possible. They’re ideal for me would be to find a nice man to settle down with and start a family. Maybe become a teacher like my mother.” Shiro smiled and perked up at the mention of “man”.

“Honestly that doesn’t sound too bad. But then again, I’ve been non-stop for the past, well, however many years it’s been. Too many. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to do this. I’m so tired, Curtis. That’s why I really appreciate this.”

“It’s no problem, Shiro. I figure you could use a break.”

“Definitely. People expect so much, and I really want to help. I’m just afraid I’ll let everyone down by leaving.”

“You deserve to be happy. I’m sure if you talked to officer Holt, and Commander Iverson they’d be more than happy to help you. You don’t have to do everything, Shiro,” Curtis said. “Let us help you.” He placed his hand over Shiro’s human hand. It was large and surprisingly warm. Shiro didn’t immediately pull away, but his attention was stolen by a small box with a clear lid. Inside was the unmistakable shape of sweet, decadent confection. He locked eyes with Curtis as if he’d hung the moon for him.

“Are those cupcakes?”

* * *

It felt like forever since they were together, laughing. Even with the addition of the space mice and Kosmo it was cozy feeling. Hunk made delicious space burritos for everyone, including four tiny ones and one as big as a human head for the animal companions at the table.

Coran’s eyes seemed to be rejuvenated by the company. He’d been spending a great deal of time with the Alteans on the Atlas making plans for their future. It was a bittersweet feeling to learn he would be departing the Atlas with them to return to Altea. It would be hard work, but he planned to continue Allura and Alfor’s legacy by rebuilding their home. Sorrow still showed through his smiles, but he was a man with a purpose.

“When we get back to Earth, mom, dad and I are thinking of staying. We’re still going to work with the Garrison, but I think I’m done being in space for a while. Dad said we’d get our own lab!” Pidge excitedly told everyone through a mouthful of food.

“That’s great, Pidge.” Hunk sounded happy, but maybe not as enthusiastic. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I want to stay on Earth, but there’s just so much I can learn from all the planets we’re going to visit. I was thinking about maybe being a chef on the Atlas? At least for a while. Then maybe I’ll come back to Earth and open my own restaurant.”

“I’d love to eat there! You always make the best food,” Lance added. He noticed that Keith seemed a bit distracted today. “What’s wrong, mullet?”

“Hm? Nothing. Where’s Shiro?”

“Oh, him and that Curtis guy are kind of on a date,” Hunk answered.

“What?” Keith asked with an amused grin.

“Yeah. He came to me yesterday and asked about what Shiro likes and stuff. I think it’s sweet.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s good.” The rest of the group looked at him expectantly. “What?”

“Keith, dude, it’s us. You can talk to us about what’s bothering you,” Lance gently said.

“I’m just…so many people still need help. The Coalition is spread too thin as it is right now but if we don’t do something people are probably going to die and I just don’t know what to do. We can’t be everywhere at once.”

“With the Teludav still as limited as it is, we won’t be able to move very quickly either. It’d be nice if there were a network or something,” Coran added. The group fell into silence.

“Well, whatever it is I’m sure you’ll be amazing,” Lance said.

“What do you mean? I thought you would help me. You know, right hand and all?”

“I’m…I’m staying on Earth.”

“To help at the Garrison?” Pidge asked.

“No. I think I’m done.”

“What! You can’t be serious!” Keith yelled. When all the faces in the room turned to him, he bashfully ducked his head.

“I thought you didn’t want to be ‘stuck on a farm forever, gotta fly’ and all that. You said that when I first asked you why you were at the Garrison.” Hunk added.

“Yeah, well, I’ve done it. I flew _two_ lions, got caught up in a war, shot at, punched, thrown, h-heartbroken. I can’t do it anymore.”

“What about the people who still need us?”

“Then you help! Me not being here isn’t going to stop you. You don’t need me.”

“You’re not the only one who’s had it hard, Lance.”

“Keith maybe—”

“No, Hunk. We’ve all been shot, stabbed, had people try to murder us on a near daily basis. I almost died just to get that shield—”

“I _did_ die, Keith! I did.”

“…when…”

“During the omega shield mission.” Hunk, Pidge, Coran and Keith all looked shocked. “There was a blast, it would’ve hit Allura and Blue. Me and Red pushed them out of the way. I died. I died and if it wasn’t for Allura I wouldn’t be here right now! Do you have any idea of how hard it’s been living with that? And my family… I’ve missed my family so much…I can’t do this anymore!” Lance forcefully stood and left the room. They sat in awkward silence in the wake of Lance’s outburst. The rest of the room tried not to look in their direction and had the good sense to finish their lunches quickly.

“What did you mean, Keith?” Pidge asked.

“Hm?”

“When you said you almost died. Something about a shield?”

“It was when we first met Lotor. If he hadn’t showed up, I was going to fly my ship into the shield to destroy it.” Everyone looked horrified. “It needed to be done. The overall mission was more important—”

“No. Dude, no,” Hunk pulled Keith into a Hunk™ Hug. “You matter, man. After you left for the blade things weren’t the same. He never said anything, but I think even Lance really missed you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t still…think that way…do you?”

“No. I was still in a pretty bad place when that happened. I know who I am now.”

Krolia and Kolivan entered the lunchroom. The two seemed engrossed in a very serious conversation. Seeing her son engulfed in the arms of the former Yellow Paladin Krolia quickly made her way to their table.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, mom. I’m fine now. I should really apologize to Lance though.”

“Ugh...” Krolia wrinkled her nose.

“What?” Keith asked warily.

“Son,” she looked down at a burrito covered cosmic wolf. “You need to wash that dog of yours.” They all glanced at the happily satisfied, yet messy, pup.

“Later Keith,” Hunk stood up from his chair.

“Oh, look at the time. I should be heading back to the engineering wing…” Pidge quickly bussed her tray and left.

“I still need to figure some thing out with the other Alteans…Best of luck, lad.” Coran patted Keith’s shoulder in sympathy.

“I’m not helping.” Kolivan simple stated. He carried two trays with food for him and Krolia. They sat down at the next table and began to eat.

“Fine. Come on Kosmo.”

* * *

“Kosmo, no. Don’t you even-GAH!” Kosmo teleported out of the shower stall and onto Keith’s bed. The hulking, sopping mess then took it upon himself to drench everything Keith owned by shaking the remaining water out of his thick fur.

An unamused, soaked Keith stood in the bathroom doorway.

“What am I going to do with you?” he asked himself. Kosmo walked around in circles a few times, then flopped down on Keith’s…made…clean…bed.

There was a brief knock on his door.

“Come in!” he called.

Acxa stepped through the open door then hesitated.

“I can come back later. You look…busy.”

“Mom said I needed to give Kosmo a bath. I guess he thought I could use one, too.”

“I wanted to talk to you about what you plan to do now.”

“I haven’t really decided yet. I know I want to still help people I’m just not sure how.”

“Is that why you did it? Joined Voltron?”

Keith sat down on the small part of his bed not occupied by wet space wolf. Kosmo chuffed a little and rested his head on Keith’s lap.

“It’s part of it. My dad was a firefighter on Earth. I remember the days he’d come home, bone-tired, but happy because they were able to save someone. He died trying his hardest to help people. ‘Even if you get nothing you help others.’ For him there was no other way to live. I saw him pull people out of their worst days, the way he changed their lives, and I decided I wanted to do the same in my own way.”

“Was he right?”

“Absolutely. I’ve lost people I love, but I’m still standing here. I can still make a difference.”

Acxa nodded. If she was going to do this now would be the right time.

“I want to be with you,” she said. Keith’s face turned bright red. Why was she suddenly…?

“What...? Acxa, you seem nice, but I barely know you…I don’t think we’d be…”

“Oh! No! No, I don’t mean like that. I mean I want to help people, too. The girls and I need something like this. All our lives we’ve been used as a means to an end, to hurt people, and I hate what it’s done to us. I told you before that I felt drawn to you. I mean it. I know you’d lead us but let us be who we are. If what I’ve learned from Veronica is correct that seems to be the way with humans. There’s so much room for each of you.”

Keith sat in stunned silence for a moment. Shiro _had_ been right. No matter how underqualified he’d felt people came to him. He’d just have to do his best for them. For everyone…

“Acxa, I have an idea. I need to speak with Kolivan and Shiro.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years everyone! Celebrate safely. 
> 
> I had planned to post this on Friday, but I'm also renovating my condo and I got caught up doing home projects all weekend.
> 
> I love the idea of Shiro having a bit of a sweet tooth. I know Curtis is basically a blank slate and barely in the background. We go from not really knowing anything about him to BOOM Shiro's husband. I have room to play and while it won't be the main focus Shiro is going to have a proper romance. So in this chapter we have their beginning. 
> 
> I will be working with what I'm given from cannon Voltron, so I won't be changing anything that's already happened. 
> 
> The next chapter will be the last of the first year. Then we will be getting into more plot! I actually have a story! Woo.


	4. The First Year: Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith makes a decision and finally has some long needed conversations.

Keith had a plan. Well, the beginnings of a plan. With so many planets still suffering the effects of the war, and in general, they needed a mobile, readily available group of people to deliver aid. How exactly the Blade would do that was still up in the air, but Kolivan, Krolia and Shiro seemed really open to the idea.

The initial meeting was a big success. He wanted to get Acxa, Ezor and Zethrid on board, too. They needed more…positive direction. But he would make sure they wouldn’t feel forced. They deserved a choice…as did Lance.

Krolia sensed her son’s tumult and offered to speak with them on his behalf. Krolia and Kolivan left to arrange their departure.

He sat down at the end of the conference table, mind heavily on Lance and their last conversation. At first, he didn’t realize why Lance was so angry, but he understood now. Keith hadn’t meant to say things the way he did. Lance was someone he could always depend on and talk to. When it came to Lance his ability to speak his mind sometimes got jumbled.

While the list of people he trusted grew so much over the years, he still only had a few he would truly open up to.

“Something wrong, Keith?” Shiro asked. Normally Keith would jump at the opportunity to share his worries with Shiro. The man had a way of figuring out just what to do and say. Keith was an adult now. He needed to be more independent and not keep bothering Shiro with his problems.

“I’m fine,” he replied curtly.

“Alright, what is up with this?” Shiro gestured between the two men. “I know we haven’t been able to talk much lately, but things were…crazy for a while. We were both under a lot of stress. Things are calmer now. You can talk to me.”

“No. You’ve…you’ve always been there for me, but this is something I need to do on my own.”

“Why?”

“Because…because I’m…you’ve…it’s not the same. I’m all grown up now.”

“So, you don’t need me anymore?”

“What! No. You’re my brother and I love you. I just can’t…shouldn’t depend on you so much anymore.”

“I understand that,” Shiro said. He hesitated a moment then took the seat next to Keith.

“I’m just trying to be a good leader. I’m trying to be—”

“What you _think_ everyone wants you to be. Keith, you are only able to be who you are. You are strong, determined, and with a strong since of purpose. You like helping others and find meaning in it.

“I met you when you were twelve. I watched you change from a prickly little cactus to who you are today and honestly, I couldn’t be prouder. You have a lot more people in your life now. But it doesn’t mean I can’t still be here for you when you need me. We’re family, Keith. You are not alone, nor do you have to be.” Shiro smiled warmly at Keith. He placed a reassuring hand on the younger man’s shoulder.

“I know. I’m still trying to figure out so much. I know who I am, and what I want, but there’s still so much to figure out.” Keith finally let himself relax. His shoulders sagged as he sighed.

“I get it. There’s a lot I need to think about, too.”

“Like…Curtis?” Keith asked with a smile.

“Yes, he’s part of it. I like him, but we’re just starting out.”

“I miss Adam.”

“So do I.” Shiro bowed his head. He loved Adam, but it was time to move on.

“You know, after you went missing, he tried to be there for me. He’d come to my dorm room and bring me food or offer to talk. I always refused and eventually he stopped coming. At the time it felt like one more person gave up on me.”

“He used to joke that you were our son.”

“What?” Keith laughed quietly.

“I know he really cared about you, but Adam had his limits. He didn’t like seeing the ones he loved suffer. I know I pushed him. Sometimes, even when you love someone, it just becomes too much.”

Then men sat in silence. For the first time in a while it was a comfortable feeling. No one was trying to kill them or take over the universe. They were just two brothers. Eventually Shiro broke the silence.

 “I don’t know how long I want to be Captain. I just wanted to be a fighter pilot, then maybe an instructor, but I’ve experienced so much more than I could’ve ever bargained for. It’s never going to leave me,” he said while staring down at his right hand.

“Like Lance…” Keith mumbled.

“I heard about your argument with him. He’s been scarce since yesterday.”

“I didn’t say what I wanted to say. It came out wrong. Not the first time that’s happened.”

“If you’re going to be leaving soon you need to clear the air with him. There’s so much you two need to talk about.” Keith hesitated at Shiro’s words. He was terrified he’d say the wrong things again and make it so much worse. He didn’t want to lose his friend.

“It’s not like I’ll never see—”

“Today, Keith.”

“Fine.”

“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an actual date to get to.” Shiro stood up and patted Keith’s shoulder once more before leaving the conference room. It took longer than he’d like to admit, but Keith left to find Lance.

 

* * *

 

Krolia stood, like a good officer, in front of three half Glara and one human. Veronica, Lance’s sister, her mind supplied. Her back was stiff as she laid out the initial plan for the Blade of Marmora. She’d found the four of them gathered in the lounge. The had a visual entertainment program on one of the screens in front of them. Veronica was explaining the concept of “Disney” to the other women.

“’Humanitarian’?” Ezor asked. “But we’d be helping more than just humans, right?”

“I took the word to mean ‘altruism’. I think it’s a word humans use when they want to offer aid to others,” Krolia answered. Four sets of alien eyes looked to Veronica, who just nodded.

“So, we wouldn’t be fighting?” Zethrid asked, with a bit of disappointment laced in her voice.

“No, not really. Not unless we need to. We are wanting to bring supplies and aid to people in desperate need. Fighting shouldn’t be frequent, if at all.”

“I think it’s wonderful. You’ve all been wanting something to do, right?” Veronica turned to Acxa for confirmation.

“Yes. I think this is a good idea.” The surety of Acxa’s tone left no room for argument. Zethrid just shrugged. Ezor eagerly nodded her head then curled up next to Zethrid’s side.

“As long as we’re together, I don’t care where we go.”

With that decided Krolia excused herself to contact more Blade members. The sound of the entertainment program resuming drifted out of the room as she left.

 

* * *

 

Everyone had their place. Coran was going to be departing soon with the Alteans to rebuild their home. Pidge was going to stay on Earth with her family to help the Garrison and develop tech. Hunk would stay with the Atlas for a few years, traveling, learning and helping with diplomacy, then he’d return home. Romelle, ever excited to learn, enthusiastically volunteered to help Hunk.

Keith was probably going to become the next Glara emperor or something. And Lance… Lance felt like he was giving up. Everyone had some important way to help the universe and he was too heartbroken to do anything but run home. Pathetic.

He sat atop Red’s muzzle thinking this. He hadn’t been able to get inside since they returned. The Lions shut down. It felt like they were waiting for something. At least he got Red to drop the barrier.

Since he was little, he knew what he wanted to do. He was going to be a first-class fighter pilot, get a hot girlfriend, and then…well he hadn’t thought of what he’d do after beyond basking his is fame. It was childish, but he wanted to be big. But wasn’t that just like him though? How often had he been taken seriously? Even Allura ignored his suggestions more often than not. He was just trying to help. It didn’t seem like anyone wanted it though. He didn’t want to be stuck on his family’s farm like so many others in his family. Veronica managed to make it out on a scholarship. He wasn’t as lucky, and didn’t ask how, but his mother and father promised to help him make his dream come true.

Looked over and useless. Then there’s Keith. The times when he really needed assurance Keith was there to tell him what he needed to hear, even in his Keith-like way. Now he was leaving again. Veronica told him about the plans with the Blade and Keith going to the Kral-Zera. Why would he want Lance anywhere near that? He had a future. Lance knew he wasn’t part of it.

The future.

That stupid game show. The other side his friendship with the man. Keith could be supportive, but then says something like that? After Lance had been so genuine and sincere? It hurt. Brush off their comments like a joke and keep smiling, Lance. Same old, same old.

Lance hear him before Keith came into view.

“Now who’s the hard one to find?” Keith tried joking. Lance laid on his side away from Keith. He didn’t need him to see that he’d been crying.

Keith carefully walked over and sat down next to the lanky young man. They sat in silence for a moment before Keith huffed out a laugh.

“I spent so much time looking for you, thinking of what to say, and now I can’t remember a word of it.” Despite himself Lance smiled. He still didn’t turn toward Keith, but he had stopped sniffling.

“I’m sorry about what I said. It didn’t come out right.”

“Don’t be. It felt like you were finally being honest with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you don’t think much of me.”

“What!? Lance, I think you’re—”

“Then why? Why do you _say_ goo things about me, me knowing myself and all that, and then push me away and..and—”

“I don’t mean to. I just find it hard to talk to you sometimes.” Lance turned and glared at that. Deep hurt flashed behind his eyes. “No, not like that! You’re my closest friend, you meant a lot to me—”

“’I just don’t want to spend eternity with Lance’,” Lance cut in quietly. Those nine words, though quiet, hung heavily between them. His eyes stung with new tears. Keith felt both too hot and too cold. They never did talk about that.

“…Lance…I didn’t mean that…”

“It’s fine,” Lance said between shaky breaths.

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have said that. It isn’t even what I _wanted_ to say, but everyone thought you’d choose Allura, and you didn’t, and you said all those nice things about me a-and I panicked!”

“You panicked?”

“Yeah, but you always seem to know what to say…”

“I lied. A-about the bonding moment.” Lance hadn’t meant to bring it up, was going to carry it to his grave, but it slipped out. His need to comfort a friend overtook his brain-mouth filter. Again. “I had spent so long hating you, but then I find out you’re actually really nice, and caring and that moment changed everything. I wasn’t ready for that. So, I panicked and lied.”

Keith didn’t say anything for a while. Lance cautiously rolled over to find the former Red Paladin trying hard to control his breathing. Keith looked beyond furious.

“I’m sorr—Ow!” Lance tried to apologize but Keith cut him off with a hard punch to his arm.

“Do you have any idea what that moment meant? To _me_.”

“I’m sorry!”

“I spent so long trying to connect to people. _Shiro_ was the first person outside of my dad who seemed to actually care about me. Who took the time to bond with me! I thought I had made progress when I propped you up in my arms! I was happy because I thought I had another person to call a friend, and you denied it so…so easily. All that progress for me was suddenly gone!” Keith refused to let his tears fall. Lance stared at him, horrified by what he’d done.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really didn’t.”

“How could you have been so selfish?” Keith quietly asked. This snapped something in Lance.

“I’m selfish? _I’m_ selfish! What about you! You didn’t even remember who I was!”

“So?”

“We were in the same admissions class! We took our flight exam together! Do you remember that?”

“No…”

“You don’t even remember what you did? And you call _me_ selfish!”

“What are you even talking about!”

“We were taking our test, you got _bored_ , and you knocked into me. _I_ was the one docked points for that. I dreamt so long about being a fighter pilot and those few points kept me out of the program. I got assigned to cargo. Because the Great _Keith_ got _bored_!” Lance finished with more venom than Keith had ever heard in his voice.

“Lance…I didn’t…”

“I wanted to meet Takashi Shirogane, my hero, and befriend him. I wanted him to be my mentor, but all he did was help you. I needed someone, too. I was so jealous. I spent so long hating you. Back then, I blamed you for killing my dream. Hunk tried so hard to cheer me up and convinced me that if I tried harder maybe someday, I could still do it. So, I tired. I didn’t give up.” Lance seemed to deflate from his anger. “But it didn’t matter. Even after you left, and I got moved up all I kept hearing was ‘Keith would’ve done it like this’, ‘Keith was better at that’, ‘Keith, Keith, Keith’. Everyone wanted me to be _you_. No one wanted _me_. I wasn’t enough.”

Lance took a moment to breathe deeply. He hadn’t meant to tell Keith all of this. He thought he wouldn’t have to but now that he started, he wanted to get everything out. He hadn’t realized he still held onto so much bitterness.

“It wasn’t fair to you, you didn’t make them say or do anything, but I still blamed you. I was determined to beat you…And then we got out into space and I got to know you. I didn’t know anything about you, but I learned. And you were so nice. You smiled. I realized I’d been so wrong, and I wasn’t ready to process everything, so I panicked and lied. I never meant to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” Keith didn’t say anything at first. It’d never occurred to him how he could’ve unintentionally hurt anyone back then. It made since now, why Lance had been the way he was. Keith reached over and pulled Lance into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I was…I was not…back then…” Lance said between shuddering breaths.

“I know. We’re both different now. I’m sorry, too. You didn’t meant to hurt me, and I didn’t meant to hurt you. We’re both idiots.” Keith laughed a little.

“You’re getting much better at this.” Lance smiled and pulled away. His tears were gone and his breathing calmer. “At being a good friend.”

Friend. Lance was his friend. Keith knew they’d always be close, no matter how far away they were. Lance would be there for him, and he for Lance. Keith smiled.

“Lance has a big, caring heart, and if anyone could bring people together it’d be him.”

“What?”

“That’s what I wanted to say, during the gameshow. And I really mean it.”

Lance and Keith sat in comfortable silence for a while. The moment felt new and old at the same time. The past was there, but their future, as uncertain as it was sometimes, felt brighter than before.

“I understand, you know. About you wanting to be home on Earth with your family. I just wanted to have my best friend with me while I was out in the universe helping people. But I get it.”

“I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I don’t think I want to fly anymore, I’ve done enough of that for a few lifetimes, but I do still want to help people.”

“Take your time. You’ll figure it out.”

Keith and Lance spent the evening talking about their families, past and hope for the future.

 

* * *

 

It was bittersweet to stand in front of the Black Lion with everyone. Krolia, Kolivan, Kosmo, Ezor, Zethrid and Acxa were ready to board with Keith to Daibazaal. It would be a little cramped for a while, but Ezor, Zethrid and Acxa were going to be dropped off at a Blade outpost to begin the transition.

Across from him stood his team, Coran and Veronica. She wanted to see her new friends off. Veronica made Keith promise to be safe, then excused herself with the others to give them some privacy.

Keith hugged everyone in turn. Coran wished him luck. Shiro smiled and again told him how proud he was. Pidge gave him an updated communicator, so they could still talk. Hunk gave him a large bag filled with snacks for everyone, even Kosmo. Lance hugged him back tightly.

“Don’t be a stranger. You’re more than welcome to visit me and everyone on Earth. Also, you have a communicator. Call once in a while.” The two men laughed a bit. Keith pulled away from Lance and looked at everyone.

“This isn’t goodbye,” he said. “I’ll see you all later.” He waved and boarded Black.

Everyone knew he was right.

Coran left soon after in a shuttle to New Altea. After speaking with Kolivan and the remaining Alteans they decided to accept refugees the Blade found and offer them a place to call home. It being what Allura would’ve wanted.

Shortly after that the Atlas returned to Earth.

So much of the Earth was damaged during the war, it would take a long time to rebuild everything. Lance made his way to a shuttle that would take him to his family’s new home. Before he could get too far Collene Holt stopped him. She handed him a packed of juniberry flower seeds to plant in memory of Allura. Lance had been so grateful he hugged her tightly.

The flowers flourished. His mother and father had found a plot of land not too far away from the Garrison, where the soil was fertile and Kaltenecker would have plenty of space. They knew it would be easier for Lance, too. Pidge would be close by, and when the Atlas was docked so would Shiro and Hunk.

Months passed, and soon it would be one year after Allura had saved the universe. Everyone got a message on their comms from Coran, inviting them to New Altea for a small gathering in her honor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not done yet! There is still more to come. I'm going to try to do the chapters faster, but I have other projects so if I do increase the posts it wouldn't be regular. I'll still try to post at least once/week.


	5. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Paladins gather to remember Allura one year after the end of the war.

It felt like too much time had passed, but not enough. Hunk and Shiro approached the exit of the wormhole that would take them to Altea. Allura should have been the one to invite them to visit the budding planet. As Hunk neared the landing site he noticed Red, Blue and Green already waiting. 

"Oh my, Shiro look!" Hunk drew Shiro's gaze to a beautiful statue overlooking a large dais.  A flourishing field of red juniberry flowers stretched out beyond the stone surface. They noticed a small gathering of people at the foot of Allura's statue, one tall figure standing before them. 

"Is that Lance?" Shiro asked 

"I think so. Veronica tells me he's been getting better. Staying active." 

"That's good. I can't wait to see everyone." 

After landing Hunk and Shiro were greeted by a few familiar Alteans and a very excited Pidge. 

"The wormhole works great now, doesn't it! Dad, Slav and I figured out how to stabilize it utilizing different particle wave frequencies…" Shiro's attention drifted off a bit as Pidge and Hunk enthusiastically discussed the innovations she and her family helped create. Some of the Olkari were working with Pidge in her lab, while he had word that many others had relocated to different areas of the universe and were trying their best to upgrade systems. 

Speaking of wormholes, in the midst of catching up with Pidge the last member of their party appeared through the glowing blue portal. The Black Lion burst through with tiny dissipating flickers of energy. It'd been a while since he'd spoken with Keith in person, but he'd been getting updates regularly from his former mentee. It would be nice to be all together again. Well, almost all of them. 

Keith exited Black in confident strides. When he made eye contact with Pidge, Hunk and Shiro an easy smile came to his face. Lance and Coran soon joined them. The smile on Lance's face eased a knot in Shiro's chest. He knew it would take some time, but Lance would be okay. He was sure of it. 

Everything was so different, but there were still glimpses of the past when you looked just the right way. The way Keith and Lance bantered with each other, Coran's stories, Pidge and Hunk gushing over tech, and Allura watching over them left Shiro feeling a sense of familiarity. 

Their private celebration continued into the night, but eventually they turned in. Coran had invited them to stay for the week so they could see the Glory of Altea. In the early morning hours they were awaken by the call of the Lions. It wasn't very strong but once again he heard the whispers of Black. 

Shiro threw off his covers and ran out of his guest suite. He wasn't surprised to hear the sound several other sets of feet echo on the stone walls. The Lions were waiting. He wasn't entirely sure what the others were hearing, but Shiro felt it deep in his bones. _Thank you_. 

He was amazed to look over and see Lance's Altean marks glow. What did they mean, exactly? Maybe they'd never really know but the look on his face as he and Blue gazed at each other seemed like a truly private conversation. Lance let out a breath as the Lions turned to leave. The tears in his eyes seemed to be from joy, and _not_ heartbreak this time. 

"Think we'll ever see them again?" Hunk asked. 

"Well no offense to them, but I hope not. If we do it means the universe is in danger again," Shiro answered. 

"It's been an incredible journey. I…I can't believe everything that's happened." Keith turned to look at everyone in turn. He started off without parents, missing the one person he thought cared, and now he had such a close family. 

"Yeah," Lance smiled easily back. Everyone eventually went back to bed, leaving the former paladin standing at the base of Allura's statue. Keith got halfway to his room before he turned around. He wanted to talk to Lance but didn't think he could wait until the morning. He got to the base of the stairs when he heard Lance's voice drift to him. Keith hid behind a pillar, debating if he should be hearing this or not. 

"Hey, princess. It's been a little while since we said good-bye. I miss you so much. I'd give anything to see you one more time, but I know that's not possible…My family, everyone, want me to move on but I'm not sure if I can. I know…I _know_ you wouldn't want me to stay hung up for the rest of my life. I'm trying, Allura. I'm trying but it's so hard without you…How can I let go when everywhere I look, there you are?" 

Keith couldn't sit by and listen to Lance's heart break again. It wasn't fair. Sure they started out rough, but Lance had the biggest, most loving heart of anyone he's ever met. He's always been there for his friends. He was such a good person, so why did it have to happen like this? Neither Allura nor Lance deserved this. Keith made his way back to his room with the sound of Lance softly crying behind him. 

* * *

 

Altea was incredible. The plant life was so vibrant and beautiful. Everything they ate was truly an experience. Hunk gushed over the nuanced flavors and pairings. His mind was swirling with possibilities. Pidge immersed herself in Altean technology. She marveled at the simplicity, coupled with the powerful alchemy. If Altea, Earth and the Olkari worked together there was no end to what they could accomplish. 

Shiro enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere. He didn't have to worry about being attacked, and his nightmares had taken a much needed break as well. Each flower field he walked through, each child's smiling face, each joyful meal he found himself thinking of someone he wished was with him.

 Things with Curtis were going well. They took time out of their hectic schedules every week to spend the evening enjoying each other's company. They didn't do many grand things, but being together made each time precious. You never forget the ones you love, but you can find joy again. He was proof of that. 

Lance walked slowly around the capitol. Coran indulged him in so many stories about when he was younger. He saw Allura's favorite place to hide when they would play. He knew her favorite book, tried her favorite food, and listened to her favorite songs. It was really different getting to know Allura this way. He knew her heart, strength and kindness, but there was so much about her past he really hadn't known. Their romance may have been brief, but it was the strongest he'd ever felt for anyone. 

As he listened he felt a sense of relief ebb into him. Peace. It would still take time, but he'd learn to love again. He knew what it was now. It wasn't some base reaction to seeing someone beautiful. It was being complete with someone, not because of them. Two people supporting each other through rough times and joyous. Allura taught him so much. He'd never forget her, but he'd learn to move on. 

* * *

 

Keith was at a loss. Now that things had settled down a bit he was finding it a little difficult to change gears. He spent years fighting against people who were actively trying to kill him, being constantly on guard, so now he was a little too tightly wound. His mother insisted he take some time off. The next three months were to be spent pursuing whatever he wanted. What would he do?

Shiro had put in a call to Atlas to pick them up, so by the end of the week a wormhole opened to let the massive ship through. The Atlas stayed in orbit above Altea's atmosphere while a smaller shuttle piloted by James and Ina came to pick everyone up. 

Coran said his good-byes, until next year when they would all visit again. The child refugees had a hard time letting Lance go, but he promised he'd see them again. Finally the five left to return to Earth. 

It was strange being on the Atlas again. The trip back wasn't instant, but the wormholes made it much faster. It now only took about two earth days for them to return. Lance and Keith were surprised to find Acxa visiting Veronica and the MFE pilots. It seemed she had gained new close relationships and Keith was very proud of her. They were so similar, so the fact that it was Lance's _sister_ to get Acxa to open up always put a small smile on his face. The two really were related. 

Keith still didn't know what he was going to do on vacation. He thought about restoring his father's old house, but didn't know the first thing about doing something that ambitious. 

"You need to come to the beach!" Lance cheered. "We all should! We can go swimming, have a bonfire, and everything." 

"Yeah, it's been a while since I've been to a beach. I used to go surfing with my dad and cousins during the summer. I could probably get some more time off," Hunk added. 

"As long as I can bring my laptop I'm up for it," Pidge nonchalantly said. 

"I do have more vacation days saved up..." Shiro didn't have to think too hard about agreeing to go. 

"Yes! Shiro, you can bring Curtis. Pidge your family's welcome to come. Keith you're definitely coming, right? Right? You could bring your mom and Kosmo, too," Lance was trying his hardest to get everyone as excited as he was. 

"Sure, Lance I'll--" 

"Great! It's settled then. I'll start making reservations!" Everyone laughed warmly at Lance's enthusiasm. It was nice to see their old friend again. 

When they were close enough to earth Lance called around and reserved an entire hotel. The paladins received a stipend from the government for their heroism so they generally didn't have to worry about money for the rest of their lives. There'd be enough room for the Paladins, any family they wanted to bring, Acxa, and the MFE pilots. When Keith and Shiro insisted it was too much Lance just simply replied "treat yo'self!" 

Two days after landing on Earth the group of veterans gathered on a small quiet beach for a weekend of fun and sand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter is going to be like a "filler" episode. Fun on the beach! Veronica, Acxa, Pidge, Curtis, Shiro, Lance, Keith, Hunk, James, Ryan, Ina, and Rizavi enjoy a weekend screwing around and relaxing. 
> 
> If you find any errors please let me know. I'll try to fix them.


End file.
